Michelle's Afghanistan Journal
May 2006
May 3rd
I left home for the Nashville airport at 10:20 am. Mom dropped me off at the airport and just fell to pieces as we said goodbye. (I don't think sending one of her kids off to Afghanistan was ever in her plans.) The flight to Toronto was uneventful. Upon arrival I met up with most of the people going on this tour. Ted Moseman is the tour producer. The artists are The Wilkinsons, Julian Austin, Amanda Stott, Diane Chase, and Maritza, as well as a great fiddle player named Richard Wood, and our emcee, comedian Kenny Shaw. The band includes bandleader Kevin Fox on bass guitar, lead guitarist Pat Wright, Brad Fremlin on keyboards, and drummer Steve Broadhurst. I have no idea what to expect from the band, but I'm sure we'll have a good time. At least I hope so. They seem like pretty nice guys.
We all boarded a bus and headed to Kingston where we'll rehearse. I met the production crew when I arrived. Dave Coe is our front of house mixer, Joshua Benvenuti is our monitor tech, Aldis Sukse is the lighting director. Tammy Morash is part of the stage management team and Mark Larose is the representative from the Canadian Forces. He is in charge. There are more people scheduled to join us. I look forward to meeting them as well.
The barracks are nice. I'm going to get a good night's sleep and see what tomorrow brings.
May 4th
I didn't do much in the first part of the day. Listened to a bit of the band rehearsing with the Wilkinsons. They sound good. Everything should be all right. I went shopping for a few last minute things that I need and did an interview with the barracks paper. I met the tour photographer. His name is Lyndon Goveas.
We went to dinner at the mess hall and I had an interesting conversation with a soldier. I'm already feeling like this is going to be a life-changing experience. The soldier talked about how important it is that we support our troops and that we recognize that no one wants war, but when the soldier is called upon to protect us, he for one is proud to do it. I've never had anyone say that to me before. That was a powerful moment for me.
I rehearsed with the band tonight. They did a great job. This should be fun. Time for sleep. It's 1:00 am.
May 5th
I meditated some today. I'm trying to make this a habit. To shut my mind off. I'm not sure if this is the best time to be trying to do this, considering there will be a lot of stress, with the travel and being in a war zone, but then again, maybe it's the best time. I didn't have much to do today, so I finished up the shopping that I needed to do for the trip. I bought a hat with a wide rim and shoes that are easy to walk in (like running shoes, but not white because they'll get really dirty.) Towels, soap, shampoo, sunscreen, sandals for showering in, etc. I watched the band rehearse with some of the other artists. The show's coming together nicely.
May 6th
This has been a very busy day. My rehearsal started at 10:00 am and then we went to lunch. After lunch we rehearsed the closing number, "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". I like the song. It seems appropriate.
I'm trying not to worry about the trip to Afghanistan. Ten American soldiers were killed today as a result of mechanical failure on a helicopter. I know that we will be flying a lot, so I pray we will be safe.
May 7th
We did a dress rehearsal tonight for the Military here in Kingston. It went really well. I'm excited about bringing this show to the soldiers in Afghanistan. We have a couple of days off, so I'm going to go to my sister Lori's in Barrie.
May 11th
My visit with Lori and the family was great. Today I met the rest of the gang at the military airport in Trenton. Norma Wood and Anne Martell have joined us. They will be keeping us informed about each day's activities, as well as just watching over us and making sure that everything is all right.
We left Trenton on a CC150 COMBI plane. We stopped in Goose Bay, Labrador for fuel and then took off for Croatia. We flew all night.
May 12th
Arrived in Zagreb, Croatia this morning at 8:30 am. Didn't get much sleep on the plane, so needless to say, I'm pretty tired. It was about a ten-and-a-half-hour flight. It was only supposed to take nine hours, but we had to make an extra stop in Labrador for fuel, which made it a bit longer. Croatia looks a lot like a few other European countries I have been in. I guess I would compare it mostly to Germany. We are staying in a nice hotel, the Sheraton. I have a feeling I need to enjoy the comforts of this hotel while I can. It's hard to imagine that twelve years ago this country was engulfed in war. I had a bath and then we all met and went downtown for lunch. This city is very old, but they have a lot of really cool clothing fashions and the pizza I had for lunch was delicious. I also had a non-alcoholic beer, which I didn't expect to be able to get here.
We got back to the room around 3:30 pm. I fell asleep until about 5:00, watched some tv for a few hours and then went back to sleep.
May 13th
Woke up at 5:00 am and believe it or not, Oprah was on! I watched Oprah for an hour, had some coffee, got dressed and went down stairs for breakfast, and sent away some e-mails. We headed off to the airport at 8:30 am. We will be arriving at our first military camp today. I cannot say where in the world that is. It's a secret location.
The camp is very isolated but nice. The temperature is around 110 degrees Fahrenheit. We had dinner and then we were given our orientation. You know - the dos and don'ts. For example, there's no alcohol allowed in camp. That makes sense: if the soldiers are called to duty, they must be ready to go. Norma, as I mentioned earlier, is one of the women coming to help as well as doing some other duties for the military. She used to train the soldiers, so you can imagine what kind of shape she's in. We went for a long walk and talked. She loves her job and being part of the military. When we returned back to camp, I played basketball with one of the soldiers until about midnight and then went to bed. I get the top bunk, so I hope I don't fall out.
May 14th
We got up early and had some more orientation. We were given our armor and helmets. It's quite heavy and hot. It's hard to imagine that the soldiers wear this in the field, but they do. We did our first show tonight for the soldiers. It was a lot of fun. They seemed to really enjoy it and you can see where this is like bringing a little piece of home to them. We signed autographs until 1 in the morning and then went to bed.
May 15th
Well, we sort of went to bed! We had to meet at the basketball court at 3:45 am with our luggage ready to go. We had breakfast and boarded the Herc (a Hercules aircraft) for our flight into Kandahar. We had to wear our helmets and armor: we are, after all, going into Afghanistan through the mountains! But the plane only had to make a few tactical moves. It's kind of like riding a roller coaster. Since we are going through the mountains, we have to maneuver so that we can't be hit by any missiles shot in our direction (or at least we hope we can't be hit). That's a bit of a sobering thought! It was very hot on the Herc and, quite frankly, at times I was feeling overwhelmed, but you just have to suck it up.
I must say that I am in a bit of shock. I feel like we've entered another world. (Well we are in Afghanistan, so I guess we have entered another world.) It's very hot and there's no doubt we're in a war zone. You can feel it. You're surrounded by the constant sound of helicopters and jets in the air, and there's lots of tankers and trucks pulling artillery. We are on high alert. All the soldiers are armed and ready to fight if we are attacked.
At this point, it seems kind of like the TV show MASH - but without the humor. We have a tent that is sectioned off into eight sleeping areas, each about ten feet by eight feet. Each area has a cot, some sheets, a pillow and a blanket. There is also a small light and a fan. The air conditioner was not working very well when we arrived and it is at least 40 degrees Celsius. I tried to rest, but the heat was overwhelming. My eyes were watering and I couldn't sleep. I hope I can adjust to these conditions.
We met with many of the soldiers tonight. That's why we're here. There is a big tent on the base called the "Canadian House." It has air conditioning, a big-screen TV where they can watch the news as well as other shows, and they can also watch movies. There is a little convenience store in the tent, and a refrigerator filled with bottled water. If you take a bottle, you have to replace it with another. You have to drink a lot of water, because it is so hot. It was nice to just hang out with the guys and gals and listen to them talk about their experiences. I can already tell that this is a special group of people. These soldiers are in a league of their own.
This is kind of gross, but I was warned about the smell in the air at night here in Kandahar, Afghanistan. As you can imagine, there has to be a place to dispose of the sewage and they have that area a mile or so away from the camp. But when the wind shifts the stench is really rude, and apparently - to get even grosser - there can be fecal material in the air. Yuck!!! They call it "Emerald Lake." All I know is that I had to get back to the tent. It's much better in here. I'm tired and going to sleep, 'though I have to put in earplugs because of the constant air traffic.
May 16th
I woke up at 8:30 am and went to breakfast. I had breakfast with a soldier and we had a great conversation. He believes that they are doing the right thing by being here and that it will take ten to twelve years before we start to see a difference. Similar to Bosnia. There are many challenges that lay ahead. Ironically, the main resource that the Afghans have is their poppy fields, poppies being the main ingredient in the production of heroin. Since it is all they have, we cannot take that away until we develop an infrastructure that allows for other means of making a living. If we destroy their main income source, we will not seem like people who are trying to help. And then, to top it off, Afghanistan has been in a drought for seven years. It was very interesting talking with him.
We went to the area on the base where they keep all of the tanks and military trucks. They showed us a new tank that is basically indestructible. It is really an amazing development and will save many soldiers' lives in the years to come. The soldiers that work in this area told us that they had one of these tanks hit by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). The guys that were in the vehicle sustained concussions, but they survived. They showed us the tank that had been hit: it certainly was damaged, but thankfully the men inside all stayed alive, and with very few injuries.
We went to the sniper area and met some of the snipers. They were very gentle, kind people, but if they have to, they can flip the switch and do what has to be done.
The heat is unbelievable. It's 55 degrees Celsius. Now that's hot! I'm amazed by these soldiers - both men and women - who suit up to go and do their job in this heat. They are covered from head to toe in their uniform, and carrying an additional forty to sixty pounds of armor and guns, and they're out there in the Afghan communities walking around. These are people who are in good shape. What's even more interesting to me is that the soldiers would rather be out there in the field suited up and working, rather than sitting behind the safety of the camp's walls. I just felt like they were rewarded by their experience out there, but I haven't talked to anyone who has recently been in combat, or at least not that I know of. Of course, I'm curious about what they might have to say.
I went to the gym and worked out. When I left the gym, I walked out into a sand storm. That was pretty amazing. A sand storm is not something that you want to be out in...
It's about 1:00 am and I have just come back to my tent from a great experience. I will try to explain it. There are about two hundred soldiers who live in what they call the "Bat Tent". The living conditions are pretty hard. These are the guys that go out into the front lines. There were girls there also. I don't know if they live in that tent, but if they do, these are some tough girls. They were being called out to duty at 2:00 am this morning. Outside the base, they live out in the open, taking cover when they need to. They have to be ready for combat at any minute. They have no tents, so when they sleep, they find an area they think is safe and they sleep on the ground in a circle. They don't get any showers. They are given small rations of food. This is how they live for days on end. Since they were being called out, they were going to miss our show, so we went to their area and did an acoustic mini-concert for them. Each area has a number, but I don't want to say any numbers or give locations. I know that may sound odd, but there is a certain amount of discretion required on this trip, and you just don't give details all the time.
Music is such a beautiful and powerful thing. These soldiers came in very solemn (as you can imagine, when you think about the task that lay ahead of them), but before you knew it, they were laughing and singing and clapping their hands and we had a great night together. I will never forget it. It was very empowering to know what these soldiers are doing for us and to be able to be amongst them. I feel privileged.
May 17th
I got up early, had breakfast and did laundry. I feel like I'm starting to adjust. This is a different life out here. Rows of tents, and sand, and war going on around you. But there is a community here, or an unspoken feeling of a group of people who have come together to do a task and are there for each other. We are getting ready to do our first show tonight. There is a lot of press here. I guess they are here all the time, so they can report back daily. I spoke with CBC, CTV and Canadian Press. I'm having a hard time expressing my feelings about my experience here. I think I'm going to need some time to process all I'm experiencing and feeling.
We started our first show in Afghanistan tonight and you could tell right away that something was wrong. There was a lot of dirt being kicked up in the distance and you could see a number of tankers and military vehicles heading out. Then they started having to interrupt the show to call up a medic, then a commander, and others. This happened a few times throughout the show. A commander briefed us after our performance and he told us that we lost a Canadian female soldier in the field tonight. He tried to be strong and not show his feelings, but he had a hard time hiding his tears. He just walked out of the tent. It sure made it very real. We all just sat in silence. It was like I was watching a movie - but the only difference is that I was in it. All I can do is think about her family. This is unbelievable. The autograph session was cancelled tonight. There was about three or four thousand soldiers at the show and they all dispersed very quickly. I'm sure they wanted to get back to their area to make sure everyone was all right and to find out what had happened. We all just went back to Canada house with our Canadian soldiers to mourn together. Very sad. Those are the only words I can think of to use. Her name is Nichola Goddard, or Captain Goddard. She was a Captain. Anyone I talked to tonight who knew her said she was a great person and a great soldier.
May 18th
We went to the hospital today. First we stopped at the dentists' office. As you can imagine, with the thousands of soldiers that are here, dental needs do arise. The dentists are very proud of their work, and even more so when they get a chance to treat a local Afghan and ease his pain. We all know how painful it can be when our teeth need dental care!
Next we met the nurses and doctors. They also take a lot of pride in what they do and the lives they save. The hospital was part MASH and part high tech. It was comforting for me to know that our injured soldiers will be given good care.
Then we met some of the Afghan soldiers who were fighting beside Captain Goddard when she was killed. The experience brought me to tears. They were really shot up. I have heard other soldiers call the Afghan soldiers 'crazy brave' because they are out there fighting to get their country back and they don't have anywhere near the body armor and ammunition they need. But they go out and fight because they want a better life.
We're in a war zone. I keep saying that because sometimes it really doesn't seem real... but then you see this and it's real. I learned that Captain Goddard was a Forward Artillery Guard and that she was very brave and determined. Everyone who talks about Nichola says she always had a big smile. I keep thinking about her.
We went to the secret service area and had a barbeque with a bunch of the guys. I can't say much about them, but they were really cool. They have a pretty dangerous job, and they never said anything about what they do or what they know - and I didn't ask. The only thing that was said is that Canadians are in for a rude awakening if they think that the terrorists aren't planning to attack Canada, and that all countries should be there in Afghanistan trying to keep terrorism at bay.
We did our second show tonight. It was a great night. The soldiers really let loose and had some fun. I know that having us here to entertain them is really good for them. It just feels like an important thing to do just to ease their minds for awhile. We signed autographs and had a chance to meet with the soldiers and take pictures. We have a full day tomorrow. I better get to bed.
May 19th
We had a 6:15 am luggage call and then went to the ramp ceremony for Captain Nichola Goddard. She is the first female Canadian soldier to be killed in combat. The ceremony was so powerful. Seeing the thousands of soldiers marching out onto the tar mat and the sound of them marching. For the first time ten Afghan soldiers participated in a ramp ceremony. It was very moving to see those Afghan soldiers marching in honor of our fallen Canadian soldier. Holding back tears was very difficult, but I tried to be brave.
We are now at Camp Nathan Smith in the Afghanistan interior. It is called a PRT Camp, which stands for Provincial Reconstruction Team. We flew in on a Chinook helicopter with its back ramp open. It was a pretty amazing flight. We could see the villages and vegetation quite clearly because we were flying pretty low. Afghanistan has been in a drought for seven years now, so it is very brown and dry.
We went for another tour and met many of the soldiers. I met with the bombing sniffing dog team. The dogs were really cute, but very high strung.
Then we visited a marketplace which had been set up outside for us. It is still within the camp, but just outside one set of gates. A number of Afghan locals were offering their goods for sale. There were only men and young boys selling in the market. I had to wear a shawl over my shoulders and around my chest to cover up. I've never been asked to do that before, but I don't mind respecting their ways. I bought a marble vase and a beautiful piece of jewelry made from a gemstone called lapis lazuli, also known simply as lapis. Apparently Afghanistan is the best source in the world for this deep blue gemstone. The Afghan men and boys were very nice. They smiled and shook my hand. I did not feel any disrespect as a woman. Actually, if you didn't know any better, you would think that you were at any flea market in North America.
I was walking past a few soldiers and they asked me if I wanted to put on a bomb suit. I thought, "Well, why not? You don't get asked that every day." So they suited me up with eighty pounds of body armor. That was interesting. Very heavy.
The show went well tonight. We flew back to Kandahar on the Chinook quite late, around 1:00 am. There were big bats flying around the light poles as we took off. I started taking pictures and then all of a sudden I heard this screaming around me and I thought we were in trouble. I didn't know this at the time, but the pilots and the gunner in the back of the Chinook were all flying with night vision glasses to enable them to see any hostile movement on the ground. They were screaming at me because the flash from the camera was lighting up the plane and interfering with their night vision wear. Quite frankly, we could have been killed. That was very foolish of me. But, in my defense, no one told us we could not take pictures. But I won't do that again.
We have a 5:00 am luggage call and it's 2:00 am right now, so I better close my eyes for a few hours. We are on our way to Kabul tomorrow.
May 20th
We flew out very early this morning to Camp Souter in Kabul. We flew on the Herc again and did some more tactical maneuvers because we were flying through a lot of mountain terrain. Some people felt sick this time. I think that could also be because we are all very tired and it is really hot. I've been doing pretty well with the tactical landings, although it does flip my stomach a bit. I think heat and being tired is causing me to feel a bit under the weather. This time we had to load up into tankers to get to the camp. It was just a small stretch of road that we had to ride on, but I still felt a bit nervous (although I did get some amazing pictures out of a little tanker window).
The sleeping quarters are once again in a tent - except this time there are no individual rooms. Just one big room for the girls, with eight cots. It's a good thing we all get along! I guess the only difference from Kandahar is that here we have no air conditioning whatsoever. It is so hot it's almost unbearable. But apparently it cools down quite a bit a night. We were all just so tired that we went for something to eat and then to sleep for a few hours. After I woke up, I went for a shower and then we went and hung out with the soldiers. There are a lot of British soldiers on this base. I'm not sure how much they know about country music, so this should be interesting.
May 21st
Hanging with the British soldiers was fun last night. It did cool down somewhat, so everyone got a good night's sleep. We got up early and went for breakfast and then I came back and straightened up my suitcase and did some journaling. We girls decided that we wanted to find a secluded area to sunbathe because we're all getting farmer tans. We had to be sure the Afghan men could not see us: for women to be laying out in a bathing suit is not acceptable.
I sure am enjoying all of the people that are on the tour with us. This is a really fantastic group of artists, musicians and support members. We will always be bonded in a unique way.
War seems to be ramping up in Afghanistan. It is springtime here and apparently the Taliban is coming out from its winter cave, so to speak. While we were sunbathing, a bomb siren went off and we had to run to our tents and put on our armor. My heart was racing faster then it ever has in my life, and then, when the bomb siren went off a second time, that was equally frightening. Apparently a suicide bomber killed himself just outside the gates, along with a couple of innocent bystanders. He was apparently trying to kill a group of British soldiers on security patrol. None of it makes sense to me.
The Brits challenged us to a sand volleyball game last night. So we took up their challenge today and got our butts kicked. These guys are in amazing shape (as you can imagine, considering that they walk around daily in 120 degree weather or better with forty or fifty pounds of armor on their bodies.) We gave them a bit of a run for their money, but ultimately we lost. It was fun.
The sound of prayer chanting just outside the gate can be heard five times a day throughout the camp. You can see a mosque from one of the camp rooftops. I hung out on top of the roof and listened to the chanting for a while, and then watched all the Afghan people go back to what ever it was they were doing. I'm not sure what it is that they believe in. I need to do some research. I need to try to understand what it going on in this part of the world. Why do people kill themselves and innocent bystanders? Why are women forced to live covered up behind walls and treated like animals? I'm confused because there are Afghan men working on the base and they seem to be respectful towards us women - even smiling, waving, and asking questions about my life back in Canada. I've been told that they understand women are treated differently in western society, and they respect that. But I don't know how they treat their women when they leave here and go home at the end of the day.
We sat around and played guitars and sang songs this afternoon and then went and had dinner. After dinner we hung out again with the soldiers. Usually there is no drinking allowed on the bases, but occasionally the soldiers are allowed a two beer maximum. Tonight the soldiers got a couple of beers. That was nice for them, and it was fun to hang out with them as they were enjoying their cold ones. Well deserved, I might add. It's been nice to have a day off. We all got laundry done and had a nice day to hang out. Quite frankly, there is a certain level of tension that just seems to exist because you are always aware of the fact that you are in a war zone, but today we all took some time to just breathe and relax - even if we had to run and put our armor on twice. I guess we relaxed as much as we could (even in light of the most frightening experience I've had).
May 22nd
I woke up around 7:30 am and had coffee with everyone. We went to lunch and then did our sound check. We have a show tonight. It's really hot and the band guys and crew are out working in it. I'm a bit concerned about them. It's just too hot out to be working out there as long as they are.
The show went well tonight. It was our last show of the tour. It was a really fun night, 'though I didn't get a chance to rest this afternoon before the show and by the time I finally hit the stage I had been up for sixteen hours. That's no time to be hitting the stage with the right type of energy. I think if I had rested in the afternoon, it would have been better for me. Nevertheless, it was a special night for all of us. There was just something really cool about it as you looked around and realized that you were in field in Afghanistan with walls and gates in the night air in the middle of a war bringing music to the troops.
There was activity going on outside of the camp while the show was going on. Tanks kept coming in and going out. It causes you to pause and recognize where these soldiers are going as they leave the camp in tanks ready to defend if necessary. But then you snap back to the faces of the soldiers sitting in those seats in front of us, smiling and happy, and you recognize that you're here to help them laugh and take their minds off the task at hand, if for only just a few minutes.
May 23rd
We left Camp Souter this morning and flew about four and half hours in the Herc back to the first camp at which we had originally landed. The one I can't talk about. We had to do a tactical take off and landing again. This time, the flight crew invited me to fly the Herc. Quite an experience! But a bit intimidating, I must say.
It feels great to be back here. I'm laughing to myself because it's all relative. I remember when we first arrived here I was thinking "Okay, you're in the army now: you have to sleep in the top bunk and go down the hall to shower and use the rest room and go to the mess tent to eat," and so on. But compared to where we just came from, this camp now feels like a resort! The conditions here are so much better than at the other camps. We're sleeping in a building with air conditioning - and a floor. The bathroom is just down the hall; it's not an outdoor portapotty you have to find with your flashlight. The constant sound of military planes and helicopters flying overhead is gone. We can brush our teeth with tap water instead of bottled water. The temperature is still very high, but that is really the only discomfort with which we're dealing now.
I did my laundry and ate a good meal. We're flying back to Croatia tomorrow before we fly home. I'm glad to be going home... but I'm also feeling sad to be leaving the soldiers. As I process my feelings, what I'm taking home most is how proud I am of our Canadian soldiers. What an amazing group of people! These are hard working, disciplined, focused, brave people and definitely a force to be reckoned with. I wish we didn't have to have war, and I know the soldiers would rather be home with their families, but they are definitely proud to do their job and I'm so thankful to them. I'm thankful to the families of the soldiers as well, because they are also serving in a different way; they also are putting in their time for this war. It must be very hard for the families at home. One of the soldiers asked me to take what I saw back to Canada and to tell the people that the Canadian soldiers need their support. I promised him I would do that. I will never forget the soldiers.
P.S.
When I talked to Marco from Afghanistan, he could tell how proud I was of our Canadian soldiers. So he bought a Canadian flag and presented it to me when I returned home, and it is now proudly flying on our property in Tennessee.
Photo credits:
Lincoln Goveas: 2, 3, 13, 14, 15
Master Corporal Doug Desrochers: 4, 6, 8, 9
Ted Moseman: 1, 12
Michelle Wright Collection: all others
